Months-long search for the pre-school, stressful Jobs, and constantly sits at the neck was his parents ever as difficult as in today’s time?
This is the impression one could have. Many couples can’t afford it financially, that one of the parents remains at home and taking care of the children. Add to this the Stress and pressure on the work: There are fewer and fewer permanent positions and more temporary contracts. The workload overall has increased. On the other side of factors, of which modern parents benefit exist today.
What are the?
Fathers are like the fathers. Modern fathers see it as their task to take care of their children. And you gladly take care of. This is mainly due to their own upbringing. You were raised by fathers that allowed them to have more contact with your feelings. In previous generations aimed education for boys, to make them strong men. Supposedly ‘weak’ emotions were taboo. “An Indian heart” knows no pain “or” A Boy is crying were attitudes common Education. If children are not allowed to feel these feelings, then it is difficult for them to be empathetic. Empathy the king’s criterion for parenting skills. Parents need to be able to in their children is to empathize. I can but only if I have a good contact to my own feelings. In this point, men have to get scary – fortunately.
Empathy is for kids so incredibly important. There are other basic needs?
Not only children have basic psychological needs, but we all. There are only a few needs, such as for attachment and affiliation. The smaller the child is, the more loyalty, belonging, being Provided for, cared for, it needs to be. On the other hand, we all have a basic need for autonomy and independence. If the parents succeed, the binding of wishes to meet your child, to give him the feeling that it is loved, and to give him at the same time self-employment, then that is very good. Then you are his child both in the warm nest as well as the wings that it needs to be able to someday live independently. I emphasize again and again: parents need to be far from perfect. It is enough if you are good enough.
Many parents would find it difficult, the child independence. How can this look like in everyday life?
Stefanie steel (54) is a psychologist and best-selling author (“The child in you needs to find a home”)
Parents should promote the skills of the child. Children must assert yourself, and a will of its own. “Go into the world, you can do it” – this feeling should pass on to parents of your child.
Separations in Germany almost everyday in families. Last year alone, around 150,000 marriages were divorced. In the affected families, nearly 124,000 mind lived year old children. What makes a separation with children?
It all depends on how one separates. The divorce research has found to be The worst, what can one expect from children, is a continuous fight. So if the parents have a difficult relationship, but do not separate. Then the child learns that There is no Happy ending, and there is no solution. Children, from a very fractious parents houses, suffer, later, often under its own fear of Commitment. Do you have trouble in relationships. If the parents decide to separate, however, and you manage to be good parents and the child must have a good contact to mom and dad, then the child can cope with something Positive to learn: crises.
For a child there is nothing worse than the thought that their parents might separate. How do you deal with this fear?
I rate the subject out in the open. And to explain to the child that the dispute is also part of life and at the end of a reconciliation follows. Children can cope well when parents argue, but if you argue all the time, then the parents should learn to improve your relationship level.
You have written a parenting book about the bond between parents and children. It is designed to help parents to focus more on themselves and to recognize their own problem areas. Why?
To me, it was important to give parents a guide that will help you as little as possible from your own shadow as a child your child. Under the shadow of a child I understand difficult embossing and intricate patterns, which you have heard from Childhood. A classic Problem is, for example, that parents have too little self-esteem. You will not believe: “I was enough” or “I can’t deal with this”. Others are to überbehütend, have Fears, you want to transfer to the child. Or you are on the Autonomous side, and overwhelm the child by talking to him a lot of independence.
What you’ll appreciate: Put parents on the subject of education, and bonding under too much pressure? A classic example in this area is breast-feeding the theme.
I reject any Form of fundamentalism. Some mothers can’t breastfeed – for various reasons. It makes no sense to put in such a Situation under pressure. A ungestresste mother for a child is much more important than the question of whether it was breast-fed or bottle-was raised.
What tips can you give parents?
Parents should keep an eye on, with their own imprints. Ask: Where might be my own problems? Where am I on the inside of the Balance? It is also important to practice empathy. And on the other side, the children also time release, without having to confront you with feelings of guilt. And a very important tip is that parents are doing enough self-care. Many tend to exploit and are out of Balance, because you are stressed. Parents need Islands, in which it really is to you. Where you have to refuel, and good for yourself.
For More, see: “heat in the nest that gives you wings: Retention and freedom to pay – as we educate, to educate without” by Stefanie steel and Julia Tomuschat. Published by Gräfe and Unzer. 240 pages. 17,99 Euro.